D Gray Man Unabridged
by TheHeroOfChaos
Summary: Warning: The following contains ADULT material. Readers have been warned. Something new, if you have any questions for ANY of the characters that have been mentioned thus far, ask the question on the review / send a message.
1. Chapter 1 Part 1

D. Gray Man

The Unabridged

Fanfiction

By : TheHeroOfChaos

Date Started : 12/15/2010

Introduction : It was the beginning years of the 1800s in London. There were many mysterious deaths and disappearances were occurring, more often not…without a single trace. Many of the London citizens were claiming different theories with some worse than others. They would continue until one man….or boy who still is going through puberty. Can this boy be the answer and stop the disappearing acts or would he also become one that would be sucked into a disappearance. This is his story….the story of Allen Walker….

*Author's Note : First chapter won't be very funny since I haven't done anything like it and only one major character is in*

Narrator : This is was a major time of crisis of London. Many police officers were struggling with different citizens because their loved ones would keep disappearing. However, enough with that. Our hero, Allen Walker is sitting down on a bench, waiting for his train to come. Sitting along side of him…was his cat…um….Mystery.

Allen Walker : Wait! That's not his name! That is way too popular. I was wondering….can I choose his name?

Narrator : Okay…what do you think would work?

Allen Walker : Hmmm…..he is rather big….how about….Garfield?

Narrator : Wouldn't that be copyright?

Allen Walker : No…..because Garfield will be invented in a couple of hundred years from now. So….I want Garfield!

Narrator : …Fine. It doesn't really matter. That cat will have no real role in this remake. So….Allen Walker was sitting down along with Myst…Garfield waiting for a train.

Allen Walker : Wait….just sitting down is kind of boring. How about you give me a boombox to listen to cool songs?

Narrator : But this is the 1800s….they don't even exist. How in the world….

Allen Walker : Either the boom box, or I'm quitting this early.

Narrator : He was sitting down….listening to his boombox….how in the hell that is possible, I don't know….but he was.

Allen Walker : *sitting down on bench waiting for train* ….Since the narrator won't give you a real important role in this, I will give you one Garfield. You will press the play button and what not.

Garfield : *barks*

Narrator : It just ***king barked! What the hell?

Allen Walker : DO NOT QUESTION GARFIELD!

Narrator : Whatever….let's continue with this madness….

Allen Walker : …okay….Garfield….I have the perfect song while we wait for the train. Disc two, track seven. It's a catchy tune…

Garfield : *barks*

Allen Walker : I'm too sexy for my love…to sexy for my love….love love is going to leave…..I'm too sexy for my shirt….

Garfield : *curious look and barks again*

Narrator : After about an hour or two, the train arrives and Allen Walker gets on…what….? Taking off his shirt…slowly in front of everyone….and everyone is staring at him. ANYHOW…..not too far away from London, there was another disappearance of the local hooker in a church. The police chief sat down and talked with two of his officers about what they should do about it.

Police Chief : Alright! Listen up! You! Drop down and give me fifty!

Charles : What? ….fifty…?

Police Chief : GET ON THE DAMN GROUND AND TAKE YOUR SHIRT OFF!

Charles : Yes sir! *gets on all fours with shirt off*

Police Chief : *pretends to milk Charles like a cow" Moo for me bitch! Moo like a cow!

Charles : *crying* …Mooooo! *continues to cry*

Moore : *sighs* Sir…if we can please continue. We have another disappearance in the church. May I suggest that we go down and look around? Maybe we can find something or someone…..

Police Chief : No! I mean yes! No! Yes! No! Yes! ….Yes! *continues to get an argument with himself while still milking Charles* ….Yes! No! Yes! Why you! *punches himself* Damn you bitch! *kicks himself in the groin!* Ah! You cheap shot bastard! *Tackles himself, releasing Charles*

Charles : Come on Moore! Now's our chance to get out of here!

Moore : But he didn't give us any orders.

Charles : I'm getting tired of being milked all the time! Let's go!

*Both Charles and Moore run out the building and making their way to the church*

Narrator : The streets were rather quiet and dark, not a lot of activity going on because everyone was still rather scared of the unknown disappearing. After a good hour or so, they finally arrived at the church where the hooker was seen last.

Charles : Okay….since we have no real important roles in this anime, I suggest we split up. You never know what's going to happen and I want to make sure you don't see anything so you won't a witness to my disappearing here in a few minutes. Okay?

Moore : Ummm…okay….

Narrator : So they gave each other a nod and shake hands like a gang member would with his homie. Finally they go in different directions looking for clues. Moore goes upstairs and Charles stays downstairs.

Charles : Damn police chief….milking me constantly. I'm not a fucking cow….

*Suddenly, a loud crash appears*

Charles : What was that? *Runs and looks where the crash occurred and sees a giant floating being* Who are you?

? : Errrrr…..

Charles : Who…?

?: Errrr…..

Charles : I'm sorry….one more time?

?: ERRRRRrrrr!

Charles : Oh! Your name is….Errrrr. *gives the look of a mental person and laughing* Say, I've never seen you before?

? : Hungry….I want your soul!

Charles : But it's mine. You can't have it.

Police Chief : *In distance* CHARLES!

Charles : Oh shit! You know what? Fuck it! Take it! I don't wanna get milked again!

Narrator : Meanwhile….Allen Walker is sitting down in a chair in the church listening too…god…I really don't even wanna know…

Allen Walker : *listening to the Beer Song* BEER! Can't give enough! Beer! I can kiss it and chug it! BEER! I can't remember how much I have had….*burps* Drink with your family, drink it with your friends! Drink it till you get fat!

Moore : Who…who are you? *taking out gun*

Allen Walker : *Didn't hear her* Beer!

Moore : Beer…?

Allen Walker : Beer! Beer! Beer!

Moore : Are you….mentally insane…?Allen Walker *still listening to music and not seeing Moore* I really could use a beer!

Moore : *notices he has earplugs on. Goes and takes them off* Who are you?

Allen Walker : Oh…pretty lady. My name is Walker…

Moore : Like Walker Texas Ranger?

Allen Walker : Who? …No….Allen Walker. Doer of good! Destroyer of evil! Feared by everyon-

Moore : Whatever…I just wanted your name.

Allen Walker : Oh sorry….sort of just got into the mood…

Moore : Yeah…I it can happen to everyone.

Allen Walker : What's your name pretty lady?

Moore : Moore….just Moore….

Allen Walker : Wow…can I call you Janet?

Moore : No!

Allen Walker : Okay Shirely…

Moore : What? Whatever….what are you doing here in a spooky old broken down church?

Allen Walker : I don't know Yuri…

Moore : My god…you aren't very bright are you?

Allen Walker : I'm very smart as a matter of fact Tiffany. Anyhow, let me introduce to you my cat….Garfield.

Garfield : *barks*

Moore : It barks like a dog….

Allen Walker : Do not question Garfield Lulu!

Moore : Its…*teary eyed* ….Moore….

*A loud crash sound and Charles screaming*

Allen Walker : Oh no! There here! Let's go check it out! Garfield! Disc Three Track One! Now!

Garfield : *Barks and presses play.*

Narrator : They slowly make their way down listening to….oh come on! Ghostbusters theme song?

Moore : ….What in the world is that?

Allen Walker : *creeping down stairs* Something strange….in the neighborhood….who you gonna call? Allen Walker! *dances to music every few seconds*

Moore : I feel like I'm surrounded by idiots and morons. I better get raise out of this…!

Narrator : They quickly see a big flash of light and Charles getting sucked into a being.

Charles : Errr…..at least….I won't.,…be….milked again…. *Slowly hears Police Chief wanting to make him in his mind* Hurry the fuck up Errrrr….!

Allen Walker : Oh no! It's an Akuma! We need to get out of here Joyce!

Akuma : Errrr!

Moore : Its….MOORE!

Allen Walker : Garfield! Quickly, track seven!

Garfield : *barks and presses play*

Boombox : Which backstreet boy is gay….!

Allen Walker : No! Wrong one! That's six!

Akuma : ….Err…..

Boombox : *Jaws Theme song playing*

Allen Walker : That'll work! Come on! Let's go! *grabs Moore's hand and runs out with Garfield looking at them with pitiful eyes*

Garfield : Meow….!

Allen Walker : Oh crap! *Jaws theme still playing as Akuma comes closer to the cat. Allen grabs the cat and runs*

END OF PART 1 CHAPTER 1


	2. Chapter 1 Part 2

CHAPTER 1 PART 2

Narrator : Okay, let's jump a few scenes here and see how our hero, Walker is in.

Allen Walker : Somehow or another, I made it to the police station carrying Raine in my arms.

Moore : *still passed out* Fuck….you….

Police Chief : WHERE IS MY HE-BITCH?

Allen Walker : Who?

Police Chief : CHARLES? WHERE IS MY HE-BITCH?Allen Walker : Oh yes…the had no important scene whatsoever and waste of time and character. I know him.

Police Chief : WHERE IS THE HE-BITCH?

Allen Walker : He died.

Moore : *wakes up* ….um….how did we get here?

Allen Walker : Don't know.

Police Chief : HE-BITCH CHARLES DEAD? YOUR UNDER MOORE'S EYE FROM NOW ON!

Allen Walker : Who's Moore?

Moore : I AM!

Allen Walker : Who are you?

Moore : MOORE!

Allen Walker : Whore?

Moore : MOORE! MOORE! MOORE!

Allen Walker : *eating a chocolate chip* I don't have any MORE! Your not getting any because your being rude and stupid.

Moore : YOU'RE THE DAMN MORON! Whatever…come on. I want to take you to my house so I can watch you.

Allen Walker : Um…okay….let's go.

Narrator : So they arrive at Moore's house.

Allen Walker : That was an Akuma that killed your….partner huh.

Moore : What is an akuma anyway? Sounds dangerous.

Allen Walker : Hmm…..they are very dangerous. They are created by The Earl or The Creator. He creates them for two purposes….

Moore : Who is The Earl?

Allen Walker : First off….he is the fattest man you will ever see….literally ever. He creates the Akuma.

Moore : What are they?

Allen Walker : To create the perfect child….for his own creepy purposes. And to rule the world with his almighty Akuma Army!

Narrator : So anyhow, someone comes in with a wheelchair.

? : *sneezes and struggles to breathe. He then uses an inhaler.* Hey sis….

Allen Walker : Who are you?

Marc : Marc….*uses inhaler*

Allen Walker : I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to the lady.

Moore : Mr. Allen Walker…my name is Moore. Okay? Is that understandable for you?

Allen Walker : Whatever Serena.

Moore : Anyhow, this is my brother-in-law Marc. He is very sick.

Allen Walker : He looks like he should be dead…

Marc : *sneezes* I just have the flu…and I saw Justin Bieber layouts….I fell down the stairs from the blindness it gave me and that's why I am in a wheelchair.

Moore : Look….I found some things about Akuma. What do you think about it Allen Walker?

Allen Walker : *looking at a dirty magazine and not paying attention at all* You actually read these things Casey? Oh damn Ms. September….what I would do to you….

Moore : Pay attention. It says the Akumas are demons and devils

Allen Walker : That's right Trisha. Demons and devils. But the Akuma I'm talking about are much more deadlier and nothing to what I just said. Once again, they are created by The Earl by using the souls of the deceased. He prefers children, but he will take anyone.

Moore : Well lets go back to the church and face this evildoer.

Narrator : So they leave and soon arrive at the church. Someone or another, the cripple guy was able to get their first. Also the Police Chief and his group of officers were investigating the disappearance of Charles.

Marc : *sneezes* …Okay…my darling Akuma. Here are more souls for you to have….the Police Chief and his random pawns.

Akuma : Errrrr….*Akuma appears in front of them all*

Police Chief : HOLY MOLEY! ITS….ITS…ITS SO CUTE! I'M GOING TO KEEP IT!

Officer : But it killed Charles….

Police Chief : ….oh….DIE BASTARD!

Akuma : *The Akuma swallows them all in one gap just as Moore and Allen Walker arrive*

Allen Walker : Oh well….were too late. He deserved it anyway. Come on…let's get out of here.

Moore : Do something you idiot!

Allen Walker : Let me look at it so I can tell you who it is. Oh…it's the cripple guy. Marc….and the soul entrapped is a lady…she looks a lot like you Summer.

Moore : *Does dramatic scene of disbelief*

Allen Walker : Quick Garfield! Play a dramatic sad theme!

Garfield : Meow *prays play and Dance to the Music comes on*

Marc / Akuma : Errrr…..*sneezes*

Moore : That is my sister….Marc you bastard!

Marc / Akuma : Errrrr….

Allen Walker : This is it! This is my time! Garfield play my true theme song so I can sing it!

Garfield : *barks* *Presses play on Disc 1 Track 1 to the pokemon theme song*

Allen Walker Singing : I wannabe the very best….like no one ever was. *Eyes are glowing and raising anti-akuma weapon* ….To catch Akuma is my real test….! To kill them is my cause! *powers up anti-akuma weapon* I will travel across the land….searching far and wide. Each mother***ker will understand! That I have the power inside! *continues powering up* Akuma! It's you versus me! I know its my destiny! Akuma! Ohhhh you're my worst enemy, in this world I shall defend!

Narrator : One hour later….

Allen Walker: *after singing the entire theme of the pokemon theme song over dozens of times, he launches his anti-akuma weapon at Marc and Marc fades away into nothingness*

Moore : Is my brother-in-law and sister at peace now?

Allen Walker : Yep…they are at peace at last. *looks at Moore* Who are you again…?

Moore : ….MOORE!

Allen Walker : Okay Moe….

Narrator : So this is how a child of 15 years old will become the hero of our journey. This ends our first section. Next time on D. Gray Man, a new hero makes his first appearance and things won't seem to go too well between Walker and the mysterious man. Check it out on the next Chapter Two.


	3. Chapter Two Part One

D. Gray Man Unabridged

Chapter Two Part One

Narrator : Okay, so we now have seen and witnessed our hero and his powers. Now, let us skip forward a little bit. So begins his once again.

Walker : "Oh my gosh Becky….look at her butt….it is so big….." *continues to hum Baby Got Back while looking at a large map.* Hmmm….my master gave me this map about where I was suppose to go. Let's see…he also gave me this letter. *opens letter.* "Giant building….in a dark spooky place, on top of building, looks like a giant penis. This is where you need to go." Hmmmmmm…..I guess this is it.

Narrator : So Walker continues making his way towards the building that looks like a giant penis with a large sign that says, "The Black Headquaters of the Penis vs The Earl and All of His Evil Doings So Better Get That Right Girlfriend….Mmmmhmmm…." with guy dressed as a girl smiling next to it.

Walker : Well….if that isn't the biggest penis in the world! What do you think Garfield?

Garfield : *barks*

Walker : How much I love my cat.

Narrator : Meanwhile, inside the building, a group of people were watching him from their camera. There were about twenty people or so. There was a young girl who was really staring at the camera.

? : Who is the sexy stud?

? : Oh Lenalee! You should no better girlfriend. Okay, let me get this straight, I am sooooo hotter than he is. I mean, I just adore my makeup and my dress!

Lenalee : Oh Komui, you really need to dress like a guy instead of a transvestite

Komui : Oh kiss my ass! I like wearing my purple panties and my pink bra to hold up my sock boobs. And this makeup is soooo like today, so mmhmmm….

Random Guy : Mr. Komui there-

Komui : It's fucking Ms. Komui! And what is it? *putting on more makeup on his/her face*

Narrator : A couple of the guys in there run off and throw up in the other room.

Random Guy : Someone is staring at the camera and asking to come in. What should I do?

Komui : Um….totally have that giant head give him a physical exam okay?

Walker : Hello…..is anyone inside the giant penis building? Um….hello….?

Narrator : All of a sudden, a giant head gives a loud roar and looks directly at Walker.

Giant Head : WHO DARES DISTURB THE HEADQUATERS OF THE PENIS VS THE EARL?

Walker : That would…be me Allen Walker.

Giant Head : I HAVE BEEN ORDERED TO GIVE YOU A PHYSICAL EXAM! SO TAKE OFF YOUR PANTS!

Walker : *plays the song, I'm Not Wearing Any Underwear Today, and is laughing." Sorry, but I don't like the idea of stripping in front of you. Plus you wouldn't like it anyways….

Giant Head : FINE! *Eyes flash and then screams* HE HAS A SECOND PENIS! OH MY GOD! URGH! HELP! EVIL-DOER! AHHHHHH! THAT IS DISGUSTING! *continues to roar in a loud voice and quickly tells Komui"

Komui : Oh my….I have never seen anything like it. Quickly, inform our superhero Capitan Kanda to deal with this evil threat!

Lenalee : Okay….With our powers combined, we shall summon Capitan Kanda! *holds out a ring along with a few other people. They give out their elements and there is a loud whooshing sound coming from outside* *thinking : I wonder if they would make a good couple just like in my dreams….oh…..*

Walker : What's that in the air?

? : Hahahahaha! Evil doer, you have come here to face Capitan Kanda! Destroyer of all evil! *Standing midway on top of the building*

Walker : The who now?

Kanda : I am Capitan Kanda the superhero that has all of the powers in the world. I can fly, jump super high, have super sonic hearing, heat-vision, and super strength!

Walker : I just wanna go inside! I have something to discuss with the person in charge of this….peni- I mean place.

Kanda : Foul beast! Witness my ability to fly and destroy you in one single blow! *Jumps into the air and starts to….fall and crashes on the ground with a loud thud*

Walker : *just staring blankly*

Kanda : *holding head* Stupid Akuma, I shall melt you with my heat vision! *Stares at Walker for a few minutes*

Walker : *looking around wondering what is happening*

Kanda : Damn! He must have heat resistance power or something! *He holds his hands out and starts running around Walker making whooshing sounds thinking he is flying* I shall have to call upon my noble sword, Capitan Blade to slay this monster!

Walker : I'm not a monster! I just want to get inside! That's all I want to do!

Kanda : *he takes out his sword* Pretty neat huh! Even superheroes need assistance from weapons! Die monster!

Narrator : So Kanda starts attacking Walker with his sword and fails miserably each slow slash*

Walker : You are really slow. Give me a break here….

Kanda : Puny mortal evil person! I am going so very fast it seems like I'm going very slow! *continues to miss each time* My gosh! I have never met anyone as fast as me. *continues running around Walker with his hands out making whooshing noises*

Big Head : STOP THIS NOW!

Walker : Say what now?

Narrator : Kanda turns around and accidently stabs Walker in the arm when he wasn't looking.

Walker : Ouch….that really hurt you big bully. Why did you stab me in my Anti-Akuma Weapon?

Kanda : Shhhhh! Be quite! With my super sonic hearing, I hear that someone has asked me too stop! Did you hear it?

Walker : Of course I heard it. I'm right in front of it!

Kanda : Nonsense!

Big Head : Kanda! The Council is awaiting your arrival!

Walker : Oh….you must be Kanda. Nice too meet you, I'm Walker.

Kanda : Idiot! I said be quite. Someone has asked me to go The Council. Shhhhh!

Walker : It's the damn big head in front of us!

Kanda : With my super-sonic hearing, he asked for me to go! I shall be back to slay you monster! *runs around the area making whooshing sounds and holding his hands out straight and runs off*

Walker : What the hell was that about….?

Big Head : LORD KOMUI HAS SUMMONED YOU INSIDE! YOU MAY ENTER THE BUILDING THAT LOOKS LIKE A GIANT PENIS! *roars and doors open*

Narrator : So Walker walks in and meets Lenalee who is smiling oddly.

Walker : Boy, I have never felt more out of place than ever before.

Lenalee : Hi….how are you?

Walker : Who was that? That….Kanda guy….?

Lenalee : Oh him, yeah he is kind of weird. Have you ever thought about dating him? You two look so cute together fighting each other.

Walker : What? No….ewwww! And mostly I was just standing there and watching him run around like a lunatic.

Lenalee : But I saw you looking at his ass a few times.

Walker : To damn weird and no, I wasn't looking at his ass.

Lenalee : Okay, you seem like a reasonable guy. Then I'd said you were staring at his penis?

Walker : WHAT IN THE HELL IS WITH THE PENIS IDEA NARRATOR!

Narrator : This isn't the best part yet. I'm just reading what the author wrote down.

Walker : This is soooo damn stupid!

Lenalee : Anyhow, welcome to our organization. Since my brother is a little…strange….this was called The Black Order, but when he went through his change, he renamed it.

Walker : Yeah, strange name for an HQ place.

Lenalee : So, what do you like better about Kanda? His ass, chest, penis, or his superhero powers? I'm trying to come up with an idea for you two.

Walker : None of the above. Can we please see your leader so I can discuss what is going on?

Lenalee : *still drawing* So you like his perfect around and muscle ass. Alright, thank you. Please come this way…

Walker : I never said that!

Lenalee : Sorry, you mentioned how you like the idea of you and Kanda engaging in hardcore action. I'll place that in my notes for my next drawing. Thanks.

Walker : You know what? I refuse to talk anymore!

Lenalee : I saw you gazing at his underpants.

Walker : Hell no! ….SHIT! Well, can someone fix my arm? It doesn't hurt or anything, but it does need to be fixed.

Lenalee : My brother knows how to do that. Come…this way

Narrator : So ends Chapter Two Part One. A brand new character is coming in Chapter Two Part Two. His name shall be unknown for the time but things really start to heat up even more


	4. Chapter Two Part Two

D. Gray Man Unabridged

Chapter Two Part Two

Authors Note : Going to reedit this chapter at another time….but here is the original plot and idea. Remember, don't forget to ask some characters questions and I'll post them in the next chapter or whatever else I post on here….

Lenalee : Brother or sister, I have brought the one you have asked to see….Mr. Walker

Komui : Oh….I have heard so much about you. Sorry, I would have dressed completely, but you caught me at a bad time. You know how we girls are….tee-hee! Oh hey, are you from the t.v show, Walker Texas Ranger? I soooo loved you as a hottie cowboy!

Walker : *still throwing up at the grossly sight of Komui in his bra and panties* ….I'm not that kind of Walker. Anyhow, I was told you could fix my arm. I was told you're the best, though now I am actually starting to wonder here.

Komui : Oh come on, I've done plenty of surgery in my life before. I even have some of the most expensive equitment here so you can rest assure yourself. Please follow me…..*wink wink*

Walker : Oh god….I think I'd prefer to be dead right now. Say why did you change the sign of our HQ?

Komui : I just thought it would fit my needs better. Alright, lay down on this blanket. I shall get my own personal assisstant to help me. Now I need you to go to sleep so I can all your pain go away….

Narrator : So Walker lays down with a very concerned look on his face. He closes his eyes and he is out like a light.

Komui : Sissy! I need you to go and get my new assistant. I'd overheard he was even better than me. *wink wink*

Lenalee : Of course.

Narrator : So eventually they picked someone random from the audience of this horrible piece of work and asked him to help perform the surgery. What is his name anyway?

Komui : It's my sweet babycheeks….what's your name?

Melvin : Hi….I'm Melvin…..

Narrator : He looks like a dork….and wearing two sets of eyeglasses….a ripoff hat from Meg on Family Guy…..and a dorky smile….this isn't going to work…come on…..his dumb smile looks like Patrick from Spongebob…

Komui : Hi Melvin….I'm Komui. Have you done surgery before?

Melvin : No…I'm new.

Komui : Well, I just remember I had a drag-queen contest so I'm now officially retiring. Lenalee….Melvin is now in charge of the HQ.

Narrator : How are we going to do this rip-off story without Komui….?

Lenalee : Okay….if you say so…..Are you ready to perform surgery on Walker, Melvin?

Melvin : I think so. Let's boogy!

Narrator : After a long nine hours, Lenalee returns and looks at what Melvin did.

Lenalee : WHAT THE HELL? WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM! YOU REPLACED HIS ARM WITH A DILDO?

Melvin : Oh….I thought he was suppose to get one. Sorry….I'm new.

Lenalee : FIX THE ARM! DON'T MAKE INTO A DILDO!

Melvin : Okay…okay. I'll fix it. Sorry I'm new.

Narrator : Lenalee walks out and Melvin stands there for a few minutes.

Melvin : Duhhhhh…oh yeah. I'm suppose to turn his arm into glue. Let's make it gluey!

Narrator : After another long nine hours….

Lenalee : WHAT THE FUCK? HOW THE HELL DID YOU EVEN TURN HIS ARM INTO GLUE? You know what…I'll do it….

Melvin : Sorry…..I'm -

Lenalee : Yes yes….we know your new….

Narrator : So after a good solid month, Walker wakes up and sees that his arm is fixed.

Walker : How the fuck long was I a sleep?

Lenalee : Sorry….that would be a month. We had complications….

Walker : Like what….?

Narrator : Melvin walks in

Melvin : Oh hey your actually wake. Sorry about that. I accidently turned your arm into a dildo….and then glue….then Lenalee took over. You looked pretty worn out.

Walker : Wait…dildo for an arm….? Where is Komui?

Melvin : He had a drag-queen contest so he hired me from the audience to do the rest of his role. I'm new.

Walker : Oh….my god…..

Lenalee : Say….whatever happened with your mentor? Like why did you guys go different directions and why did he stay in India?

Melvin : Oh! I know the answer to this! Pick me! Pick me!

Walker : She was talking to me….idiot….

Lenalee : Yeah….sorry Melvin

Melvin : Oh….I'm new….

Walker : You've said that like a thousand times! We know!

Melvin : My bad….I'm new.

Walker : Fuck it…..anyhow, my mentor decided to stay in India. He was talking to some hooker and she mentioned her room number was 137. He told her not to forget the toys. Sorry…I just kind of added two and two. He then knocked me out because I overheard it. I think he wanted to get rid of me anyways….

Lenalee : Such a sad story…I'm sorry to hear that. Anyhow, I want you to meet an Exorcist that we keep down below for an unknown reason…Wait…where is Melvin…?

Narrator : Melvin was already underneath them picking around different stuff. He spots the spiritual exorcist and a small box close by it that read, "Ghost trap saved to use on The Earl Only. Do not open!"

Melvin : *stares blankly at it, trying to read it. After a few moments, he mixes up the letters." Mmmmmm….Open box…..There is maynoise in it. Mmmmmmm…..mayonnaise…. *He opens the ghost trap door and sucks the spiritual exorcist away. He looks inside of it for a few moments and sticks his hand in it.* Awwww….stupid label. There is no mayonnaise in it….

Random Guy : NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! YOU just sucked away one of our first exorist people ever! You fucking idiot!

Melvin : Sheesh….sorry….I'm new.

Narrator : Great….two important characters are gone. One quit for a drag-queen contest and this idiot just used a ghost trap on another because he thought it was MAYO? This is soooo fucking retarded…..Anyhow….Melvin quickly jumps into a pile of flour that was in the room for some reason and quickly starts to pretend to be the spiritual exorcist that he accidentally got rid of….

Lenalee : Okay Walker. Go and see our spiritual exorcist down here. It shall be waiting for you…..

Narrator : Walker goes further down listening to the theme song of Ghostbusters

Walker : Greetings oh powerful and wise spiritual exorcist.

Melvin Pretending : *In a ghoul voice* Oh…..Allen Walker…..I have heard some many things about you…ooohhhhh…..

Walker : Like what kind spirit….?

Melvin Pretending : Um…..I have seen the future…..and it doesn't look so good….*looks around and sees a cube lying on the ground* ….I see….a….ummmm…..cube in the ground….that will tell all…..oooohhhhh…*coughs*

Walker : I didn't know spirits could cough. You must be a wise one indeed. *gets on knees and starts bowing*

Melvin Pretending : Thank….you…..for bowing to me…anyhow…..*looks around* a golden cube….was….written….by….an alien….no…..an ancient civilzation that foretells…..a gruesome ending. The world….will *looks around and sees a dead guy* ….die….

Walker : Please explain oh noble one….!

Melvin Pretending : ….A great….*looks around and sees two drunk guys fighting over beer close by* …..battle…for the beer….

Walker : Beer….Wow….this is truly a magificent tale….

Melvin Pretending : Yes…..it will be forever….against The Earl….as I…..have fought and killed The Earl before as an Innocence…..and somehow…..*sees a random guy dieing of a heart attack* ….died….myself…*coughs again*

Walker : What happen? How can I defeat The Earl since he plans to destroy the world…?

Melvin Pretending : You have been chosen…to…stop the evil one….from destroying our world…..because of my love for mayonnaise…..No…I mean….you will…. ""Thinking : How did I get here….oh yeah….time travel"" ….create a Time Destroyer…..to destroy him when the world….will be at its' worst…..with the God Crystal….

Walker : Who chose me….?

Melvin Pretending : The great….*sees General Warning: Do Not Open" generals…

Walker : Oh great spiritual exorcist….I thank you for guiding me. *goes up and kisses the feet of Melvin, not knowing the truth*

Lenalee : Melvin…what are you doing? Where is the spiritual exorcist?

Walker : Wait….what? HOLY HELL! *vomits and spits everywhere for kissing Melvin's foot*

Melvin : Sorry guys….I'm just so new….

Walker : *grabs Melvin by the shirt* Where is the spiritual exorcist….?

Melvin : In the box labeled Mayonnaise….

Lenalee : That isn't MAYONNAISE! THAT IS A DAMN GHOST TRAP AGAINST THE EARL AND HIS DEMONS!

Melvin : Sorry….I'm -

Walker : We GET IT! ….your new….so fucking new….

Melvin : Okay….I got a new name for our HQ. Instead of what Komui has placed, I shall rename this….Allen Walker is a Stupid Jerk…..

Walker : WHAT? WHY! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!

Melvin : Like dude….take a chill pill….I'm new okay!

Lenalee : This story has already gone to hell…..how can it get any worse….?

Walker : Since people have seemed to like my pokemon theme song….I'm working on another theme song…from Shaman King….everyone sing along!

Walker : Look around you, Look beyond! You can make a breakable Melvin! The World around me is not what it seems! Its all reveled beyond Melvin's dumbass dreams! So many things I never could see, So many choices about killing Melvin's destiny!

Melvin Horribly Off Key : TOOooooo BebBBBeeeeEEE KKKKINGGGNG

Everyone StareS

Melvin : Sorry….I'm new…

Walker : *thinking dumbass* ….If my spirit is strong….I can kill Melvin…I can look at the akuma in a different wow, I know what it takes to kill it now, And I won't give Melvin another bow!

Melvin : TOOOOOoooooooOOOOoo BeeEBBBEEEEEE SHHHHHaaaammmANNNNN KKKINNNGGGGGgggggggGGGG!

Narrator : Everyone stares….including me….

Melvin : Sorry….I'm -

Everyone : WE FUCKING KNOW DAMNIT!


End file.
